June 27, 2018

Since White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked to leave a Virginia restaurant last weekend, "the big debate in America has been: Do government officials have the right to be left alone when they're off the clock?" Trevor Noah said on Tuesday's Daily Show. On Monday, he noted that Trump officials are getting a helpful taste of what it's like to be a minority, but now he looked at the idea that government officials should be left alone, in the name of "civility" and "tolerance" — a common refrain from cable news pundits. "These people have more amnesia than the characters in a Lifetime movie," he sighed.

Noah pooh-poohed the argument that Trump officials should just be protested during work hours, "as if the administration's policies only work from 9 to 5. It's not like when the White House staff goes home every night, all of a sudden everyone in America is like, 'Woo-hoo! I have health care back until 9 a.m. tomorrow!'" The restaurant wasn't protesting Sanders, a private citizen with opinions, but rather the government she represents. "Basically, people in power would like to be insulated from the effects of their actions," Noah said. "But if you're in a position where you can influence other people's lives, you shouldn't be shocked when you hear from the people whose lives you affect."

Also, calls for "civility" always tend to come from people in a position of privilege, understandably, Noah said. "The person winning in Monopoly is never the person flipping the board." And he pointed out that the nonviolent-protest icons we're supposed to emulate — Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr. — their protests weren't exactly welcomed at the time, either. "All I'm saying is, what happened to Sarah Huckabee Sanders isn't nice, but as a government official, people protesting your policies is part of the job," he said. Watch below. Peter Weber

June 26, 2018

"The immigration debate continues to dominate the news — families separated, children in cages, and now, people are going hungry," Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show. No, not the migrants — Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who was asked to leave a Virginia restaurant because she works for an "inhumane and unethical" administration.

"I know that you guys are cheering," Noah told his audience, "but I'm sorry, I think that was the wrong thing to do. I think what the restaurant should have done is treated her the same way she treats the press: They should have just brought her an empty plate, and then when she says, 'Uh, where's my food?' you go, 'Oh, it's right there. ... The chef told us there's food, so there must be food there, and that's our position.'" Actually, he added, "asking Sanders to leave was probably the nicest thing they could have done." He explained why, then mocked her assertion that she treats people with respect.

Noah concern-trolled the Trump staffers who "can't get anyone to swipe right on them" on dating apps, then hit his point: "Honestly, I feel bad for Sarah Sanders and her people. Some restaurants won't serve them, people on dating sites prejudge them before even giving them a chance, and every time they step outside, they're made to feel like they don't even belong here. It's really horrible. But on the plus side, now the Trump administration has a taste of what it's like to be a minority."

"The left is painting the right as a heartless immigrant-caging party," Jordan Klepper said at The Opposition, and he asked Kobi Libii how wrong they are. Libii said "conservatives have been dancing around this for too long," and they should just say, loud and proud, "We want to keep America white" — in part because "white people are famously bad at dancing." And then things got pretty intense. Watch below. Peter Weber

June 21, 2018

President Trump's policy of separating families at the border "has rightfully outraged almost every decent human being, and Ted Cruz," Trevor Noah joked on Wednesday's Daily Show, "and now it looks like even the man who made the policy is tired of the backlash." Noah wasn't completely impressed with Trump's executive band-aid, nor was he completely surprised Trump caved, given the increasingly bad headlines. "Sweet Lord, 'tender age' shelters?" he asked. "That's a helluva fancy way to pronounce 'baby jail.'" The widespread outrage only grew after Corey Lewandowski "headed south of the decency border" with a comment about a 10-year-old girl with Down syndrome separated from her mother and caged, Noah said. "Yeah, he did just say 'womp womp,' which is funny because that's what he's going to hear in the afterlife. 'Wait, I'm in hell?' 'Yes, you are. Womp womp.'"

It's a relief that Trump might be ending this, but we're still left with the horror that "people were trying to defend this practice," Noah said. Still, Trump's defenders were "just dusting off xenophobia" from earlier eras. "Look, today's situation isn't the same but the excuses sure sound familiar," he explained. "In fact, they're as old as America itself — which, unfortunately, makes them too old to be locked up in a tender-age shelter."

At The Opposition, Jordan Klepper said Trump was being "too humble" in giving credit to Congress for his policy of "caging children as a bargaining tool for passing anti-immigrant laws," and argued that Lewandowski "wasn't being dismissive" when he said "womp womp" about the caged disabled girl, "those are just two of the 10 words he knows." Kobi Libii took it a step further, saying Lewandowski set "a new high" for political discourse. "Debaters have long known it's very hard to win an argument when you are on the pro-children-in-cages side," he said. "But this new mocking-noises tactic changes the game." Watch him and Klepper demonstrate below. Peter Weber

June 19, 2018

The Trump administration has been slowly shutting immigration down since Day One, Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show, "but after enacting their latest policy of taking children away from their parents at the border, they seem to have hit a wall." There is growing bipartisan condemnation of taking kids from their parents and holding them in cages, he noted. "There's no way that you can defend this, unless you work at Fox & Friends."

President Trump's defenders point to the amenities at the detention centers, "but that's not really the point," Noah said. "The point is, the federal government is effectively stealing kids away from their parents. Like, if some guy in an unmarked van took your kids from the park, the last thing you'd be worried about as a parent is how nice the van was or whether they had the good candy." And Noah called BS on Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen and Trump blaming everyone but themselves for their own policy.

The policy of snatching children from parents "sounds harsh, but that's also the policy of witches in candy houses," Jordan Klepper responded at The Opposition. And sure, "if you think about it for a second — literally only a second — it sounds really, really bad — movie villain bad. We're the guys who phone up and say 'We have your daughter. I hope you don't have a special set of skills, or else you'll find us.' But guys, don't let them shame you. ... This is who we are. We're the side that supports separating kids from their parents. We're the deplorables." And if Trump officials feel a little twitch in that "fist-sized spot between your lungs," he said, that's just "growing pains — sorry, shrinking pains" — as they work though the "stages of self-acceptance." Watch below as Klepper walks through the Trump team's denial, blame, appealing to a higher power, and for one man, acceptance. Peter Weber

April 26, 2018

When Dr. Ronny Jackson proclaimed President Trump fit as a horse, we didn't know much about the White House physician "and we didn't need to," Trevor Noah pointed out on Wednesday's Daily Show. "But once Trump nominated Jackson for a Cabinet position, people started digging into his past like he was dating Taylor Swift." He ran through the new list of allegations, starting with Jackson's "candy man" nickname, due to his alleged passing out of prescription opioids and other drugs like they were candy. Noah could see some sense in passing out Ambien on Air Force One (though not to Ben Carson).

But the accusations that Jackson drank on the job, harassed female employees, and wrecked a government car after drinking heavily with the Secret Service? "This is just shocking," Noah said. "I can't believe that between Trump's two doctors, Ronny Jackson is the one who might have a drinking problem." Lawmakers from both parties are urging Trump to reconsider Jackson's nomination, "although it is funny," he said, that "they don't care if he stays on as the president's physician."

"Even if he didn't drink, even if he didn't drive drunk, and even if he didn't overprescribe drugs, Ronny Jackson would still be far from qualified to run the VA," Noah said. "And in a way, all those senators who oppose him are lucky that these drug and alcohol allegations are coming out, because if there's one thing we know, it's that on its own, being completely unqualified for a position doesn't keep you out of Donald Trump's Cabinet." Look, we all know where this is headed, he added. "The president will have to find a new VA nominee, and knowing Trump, he's not going to search for a qualified person. He's just gonna pick another guy who says nice things about him. So I guess what I'm saying is, congratulations VA Secretary Kanye West." Peter Weber

April 17, 2018

Michael Cohen's lawyer reluctantly revealed in court on Monday that Cohen's mysterious third client, along with President Trump and GOP fundraiser Elliot Broidy, was Sean Hannity. There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when Hannity's name was read, but on Monday's Daily Show, Trevor Noah said a quiet prayer of thanks. "It turns out, Michael Cohen's secret client was Sean Hannity — which, I'm sorry, is not a good look," he said. "You know right now Sean Hannity's probably on the phone with his wife, like, 'Hey honey, it's so weird how I used the guy who pays off mistresses to get me out of that parking ticket.'"

Hannity says he didn't have a formal legal relationship with Cohen, but reporting extensively on Cohen without mentioning their relationship is "pretty shady," Noah said, "even for Sean Hannity." Seriously, "even Instagram models have higher standards," he added. "And I'm not expecting him to aspire to the level of the Kardashians, but come on, Sean." If you go back and watch Hannity's coverage of the Cohen raid, knowing that he has skin in the game, "we can see that Hannity wasn't just mad, he was scared," Noah said, playing some clips.

He then turned to former FBI Director James Comey's big interview with ABC News. Noah wasn't impressed. Comey's paeans to America and truth sound like a Drake lyric, he said, but "when you're also throwing grade-school shade" about Trump's hair and hands, it "doesn't sound like an impartial lawman. That sounds like a guy who got fired from White Castle talking trash about his old boss. ... I'm the last person to tell anyone not to trash Trump, but I do think that being petty hurts Comey's credibility," Noah said, getting serious just a few minutes after talking trash about Hannity. "You can't take the high road and the low road at the same time." Watch below. Peter Weber

April 12, 2018

President Trump began Wednesday by threatening Russia with missiles aimed at Syria. "I feel like we joked about this," Trevor Noah said on Wednesday's Daily Show. "When Trump got elected, we were, like, 'He's gonna start a war on Twitter, hahahaha,' and then before he got elected, we were, like, 'He's gonna become president, hahahaha.' It turns out every joke about Trump is just a headline that hasn't happened yet." And that was just the start to a crazy news day.

"Normally, John Boehner pushing kush would be the day's biggest news about a House speaker's career plans," Noah said, but then Paul Ryan said he's not seeking re-election. "Now, other than pretending that he was upset about stuff President Trump said, the thing that Paul Ryan was most famous for was his deep, sincere concern about America's national debt." He played a brutal highlight reel of Ryan talking the "fiscal discipline" talk, noted that Ryan just "exploded the deficit with his tax cuts," and offered an elaborate analogy.

"But I mean, look, come on, let's not be haters," Noah said. "What's a few trillion dollars between friends, right? Just because Paul Ryan turned out to be a complete fraud doesn't mean that we can't give him the send-off that he deserves. Paul Ryan is leaving us, folks, so let's pour out a 40 — 40 grams of protein, of course. ... Oh, and don't worry — just like Paul Ryan's deficit, someone else is going to have to clean this up."

The House speaker has a good excuse, Jordan Klepper deadpanned on The Opposition. "Paul Ryan is retiring because of a serious medical condition. You see, Paul Ryan has no spine. It's tragic." He ran through the symptoms of "Coward's Back" (named for Rowan Coward), adding: "Don't feel bad for the speaker. Paul Ryan is going out doing the thing he does best: Not standing up for anything." Watch. Peter Weber

April 11, 2018

On Tuesday's Daily Show, Trevor Noah returned to Monday's FBI raid on President Trump's longtime lawyer and fixer Michael Cohen. "How corrupt is your circle if your lawyer uses his one phone call to call you?" he asked. But Cohen is "more than just a lawyer" to Trump, he explained. "Basically, Michael Cohen is Trump's go-to guy for everything, so if Trump has ever done anything shady — which I know sounds ridiculous, but stick with me here — this FBI raid has a good chance of finding it. Which is why yesterday, President Baby got little cranky."

Noah played some highlights from Trump's public comments on the raid. "That's right, it's an attack on what we all stand for: You know, the American ideals of life, liberty, and the pursuit of having a lawyer pay off your side chick," he said. Trump World is painting this a "partisan witch hunt," but such a "conspiracy would have to involve every single person in law enforcement," Noah noted, walking through all the steps prosecutors had to go through to carry out the raid. "If people in Salem had this kind of due process, they would have never burned anyone."

"Trump has the right to be furious," Jordan Klepper countered on The Opposition. "This is the worst kind of partisan witch hunt: One that followed all proper partisan witch procedure, passed the scrutiny of a partisan witch judge, and was personally signed off on by Trump's own partisan witch deputy A.G.," Rod Rosenstein, Klepper deadpanned. "Trump doesn't have to put up with this. He's got two buttons in his office: Fire Mueller and Diet Coke. And the leader of the free world is all out of Diet Coke."

Klepper played the angry reaction from Fox News pundits Sebastian Gorka and Sean Hannity — "That's right Sean, America has a two-tiered justice system that unfairly targets one group of people, Donald Trump" — and informed correspondent Tim Baltz that attorney-client privilege isn't absolute. Peter Weber

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