Good week/bad week
Good week for:
The dairy industry, after the Food and Drug Administration said it would crack down on the use of the word “milk” to describe “almond milk” and “coconut milk,” since “milk” must be produced by a “lactating animal,” and “an almond doesn’t lactate.”
Emergency measures, after transportation officials in Vienna—where one subway line has no air-conditioning—handed out 14,000 free sticks of deodorant to stinky subway commuters sweltering through an ongoing heat wave.
Independence, after first lady Melania Trump reportedly infuriated her husband by watching CNN instead of Fox News on Air Force One and in her separate hotel room during trips. Melania will watch “any channel she wants,” her spokesperson said.
Bad week for:
Carpetbagging, after Carol Hafner, a congressional candidate in Alaska’s Democratic primary, admitted she has never even visited the state. “Don’t lock me out just because I’m not a homeboy,” the New Jersey resident said, adding she feels “a kinship” for Alaska.
Foreign-made handbags, with Ivanka Trump’s announcement that she is shutting down her fashion line, which has suffered a consumer boycott and slumping sales. The company cited ethics rules that limited Ivanka’s role and “the brand’s ability to grow—both domestically and abroad.”
Living free, after police arrested a totally naked man in a “yogalike pose” at a Planet Fitness gym in New Hampshire. Police said Eric Stagno, 34, explained that he believed the gym’s slogan that it’s a “Judgement Free Zone.”