Good week/bad week
Good week for:
Eco-terrorism, after al-Shabab, the Somalia-based militant Islamist group that has massacred thousands of civilians, announced a ban on plastic bags in its territory, because the bags pose “a serious threat to well-being of both humans and animals.”
Karma, after a group of rhino poachers who broke into a South African animal reserve were eaten by a pride of lions. Officials said they found the remains of what appeared to be three poachers, along with a high-powered rifle, an axe, and some shoes and clothing. “Everything was very spread out,” the officials noted.
Darcy, a 3-year-old French bulldog, who experienced breathing problems on a JetBlue domestic flight and was revived when flight attendants applied an oxygen mask. “It actually fit her face really well,” said owner Michele Burt, “because she’s got a round face.”
Bad week for:
Rest stops at 35,000 feet, with the news that airline restrooms are getting even smaller as profit-hungry carriers make room for more seats. The tiny restrooms “contribute greatly to the general decline of the in-flight experience,” said a flight attendants’ group.
The new Protocols, after an Iranian general blamed Israel for the ongoing drought in Iran, alleging that Jews are working “to ensure clouds entering Iranian skies are unable to release rain.”
Show-offs, with a pair of new polls revealing that up to 99 percent of heterosexual women would prefer not to be seen with their partner while he’s wearing a form-fitting, Speedo-style bathing suit. “Our results show that some things really are better left to the imagination,” said Matthew Smith of pollster YouGov.